Hey Caregivers– I think the world of you, and I have so much confidence in your ability to give care, but let me say this. You are going to mess this up. Yeah, I said what I said. You won’t be a failure at caregiving but you are going to fail. You will say the wrong thing. You will make the wrong choice. You will … Continue reading You Are Going To Mess This Up

I am a real-life person. I live in Cedar Falls, Iowa. I have a husband, three cats, and two dogs. One of my dogs just started wearing a belly band…he’s 17. I teach about four classes a week at an indoor cycling studio. If you come to my class, you’ll realize quickly that I’m not known for giving adequate recovery between intervals. I am a … Continue reading Move Along

I was recently at a nursing home to do a dementia training. As I walked down a hallway, I passed a woman in a wheelchair. Her wheelchair was being pushed by an employee. The employee seemed to have a sense of urgency and the speed at which she was pushing the wheelchair seemed excessive. “Wow, you’re really moving,” I said. “I don’t know where I … Continue reading We Don’t Know Where We Are Going (aka This Crazy Dementia Simulation House Adventure)

Let’s get rid of the shame and the guilt. Your loved one lives in a nursing home. They need extra care and you aren’t equipped to provide it. And you made a difficult decision. You didn’t just drop them off at the door. You visit as frequently as possible. Perhaps you know, at some level, it was the choice you had to make. But still. … Continue reading Nursing Homes & Shame (aka Nursing Homes Are Not a Punishment)

A women once told me that she took her husband to a follow-up visit with a neurologist. They were planning to stop at Target on the way home to grab a few things, including toothpaste. At the neurologist, they received life-changing news that she did not expect. Her husband, the doctor strongly suspected, had frontotemporal dementia. She didn’t know much about it but the doctor … Continue reading The Worst Day of Your Life

A guest blog by Mary Fogarty When my husband, who has dementia, gets agitated, and the weather’s not too bad, we go out looking for swans. Unless he’s also feeling what the social workers might call “unpleasantly confused,” and I might call something less polite, depending on who I’m with. Since I’m with you, let me just say that, at such times, all I want to do is … Continue reading Personal Weather, Nature, and Swans

My experiences at the Dementia Simulation house so far been fun, interesting, hard, hilarious, sad, hopeful, and everything else. Someone asked me the other day what has been the most challenging. Regret. I realized that it’s witnessing the onset of regret in loved ones of those live or lived with dementia. I had no idea what it is really like for her. I wish I … Continue reading Regret: I Wish I’d Known More

Last week, a caregiver told me something that she considered so horrible that she could only say it in a whisper. She told me about her husband and his Alzheimer’s journey. He had just moved from a memory care community to a nursing home. She wasn’t pleased with the care he was receiving. Their kids lived across the country and had stopped visiting. He spent … Continue reading Stuff You Only Whisper