Why It’s Okay to be a Proud Caregiver: A Story About My Grandma

This is a story about caregiving. And it’s a story about my grandmother, Betty Catherine Terry Vickers Mohesky. She was a caregiver, and she rocked it. Let me acknowledge that loss is undeniably linked to caregiving. My grandpa had multiple chronic illnesses. He had cancer. He had diabetes. He eventually had his leg amputated. For […]

Dementia and Mental Energy: How Do You Choose to Spend Your Limited and Precious Mental Energy?

Mental energy. Why are we not talking more about mental energy in relation to dementia? A few days ago I listened to an insightful and unexpectedly funny panel of individuals living with dementia talk about their experiences. The entire conference was great, but no other speakers could really compete with the panelists. As they sat […]

When Dementialand meets CFland (A Guest Blog from a Friend)

You see, Drew lives with cystic fibrosis, a disease that now has a median survival rate of about 40. My chats with her have made me realize she has a similar challenge to some of my friends living with dementia. How do you enjoy today when you know tomorrow, or the day after, or the day after that, could mean a progression of your disease? How do you live, really live, when you know your “good days” might be limited?

When You Are Accused of Being a Diva in Dementialand

You see, I’m not concerned about them. I’m concerned about you. They may never understand your diagnosis. And I don’t want their ignorance to negatively impact your quality of life. You’ve got enough challenges to navigate. It is not your job to explain your symptoms to them. You have nothing to prove to them. You and your care partner must make choices in your own best interest. If they don’t get it, then they don’t get it. If they call you a diva behind your back (or even to your face), let them. You have limited time and energy. Do not spend it explaining yourself to them.

Delivering Bad News in Dementialand (Or Do I Tell Mom Her Sister Died?)

What we want to avoid is inflicting pain unnecessarily. If a person will not be able to process and remember that a loved one has died, giving them this information causes them unnecessary pain. If you must tell them repeatedly because they are not able to store the information, you are causing pain with no purpose. It’s like poking someone with a needle but not giving a shot.

Playing Dear Abby in Dementialand (And My Overdue Apology to My Muscatine High School Peers)

This Dear Abby thing isn’t new to me. I wrote an advice column in my high school newspaper. In four years of high school, only one person wrote me for advice. (And I remember the letter vividly. It was from an anonymous kid who thought he might be gay. My friend Lory who is a counselor helped me write a response. I still think about that guy and hope he’s doing okay. If you’re out there, please tell me you’re okay.)

Shrinking and Cluttered Closets in Dementialand

Whatever life throws at you, may you keep your closet full but not cluttered. We can’t control everything about our lives, but we can control where we invest our time and effort. We can’t invest time and effort in everything. We may have less to invest than we’ve had in the past. Invest it in the right things for you. Don’t let how other people organize their closet make you feel like you’re organizing yours wrong. They aren’t you. They may have a bigger or smaller closet, and they may have different priorities.