Her husband had Alzheimer’s, so she became a caregiver. She never wanted to be a caregiver. It’s not like she filled out an application for this job. It’s just what you do when your partner has dementia. She described it as a roller coaster of a journey, and she resented the trip. There were moments of joy. There was a lot of laughter. But overall … Continue reading It Goes On
You get to feel whatever you feel, and it may be all over the place if you live with dementia or are a care partner. Or if you’ve lost someone recently. Or even not so recently. Or if you’re divorced or struggling with chronic illness. Or if you are struggling financially. Or if you are going through IVF. It seems like many of us have complex situations that put us on the holiday struggle bus. Continue reading Just Say No to Comparison
Everybody has a story. When you walk around this world and tell people you teach about dementia and started a dementia simulation house, everybody has a story. And it’s my job to listen. It’s a parent living with dementia who wandered away from home for two days before being found in a park. A nursing home that treated a loved one poorly. A neighbor who … Continue reading Dementia at the Wedding Reception, the Winery, and the Martini Bar
Dear Friends, This is the closest thing to a Christmas letter I will write this year, and it is to those of you who live with dementia and those of you who are caregivers. First of all, it doesn’t matter to me what you celebrate. Hanukkah. (Obviously I don’t celebrate Hanukkah because I looked up how to spell it and it still doesn’t look quite … Continue reading Dr. Eshbaugh’s Christmas Letter (aka Give Yourself a Break and Change Your Expectations)
Caregiving is hard. You are not stressed because you need a nightly bubble bath and a yoga class. You are stressed because caregiving is hard. Continue reading Caregiving is Hard Because It’s Hard
After one of my friends excitedly told me she was pregnant, she launched into a long monologue about whether or not it was the right time to have a baby. She explained that she and her husband had been talking for years about when the right time to have a child might be. First, she was in a grad school. Then, he got a promotion … Continue reading Looking for a Sign in Dementialand (Or When You Just Gotta Make the Call)
I was speaking at a support group when an older woman told me that her husband, who had Alzheimer’s, needed 24/7 care. She said she was able to be home most of the time, but she was continuing to work about ten hours a week at a liquor store. She explained that her job paid little more than minimum wage. She paid more for her … Continue reading Critical Nitwits in Dementialand
I overheard a bunch of people chatting before a support group meeting. There was a middle-aged guy updating some other family care partners about his wife with dementia. I need to tell you that I am going to change a few details here so this person isn’t as identifiable. It’s pretty typical that I do this, but I’m making a special effort here because I … Continue reading Welcome to the Real and Non-Perfect Dementialand World (and What to Say if You Want to Make Me Super Angry)
I was 23 when my grandpa passed away. He had a lot of chronic health conditions, including diabetes, and he’d recently had a leg amputated. The last time I saw him in person, he kept calling the guy I was dating at the time “Steve” (although his name was not Steve) and he was very grateful to “Steve” for helping him figure out the remote control … Continue reading Praying for the End in Dementialand
Sometimes I write for people with dementia. Sometimes I write for people who have no experience in Dementialand. But today…today I am writing for dementia caregivers. And, really, for all caregivers. If you are a caregiver, things can get pretty rough. I can show you research studies on the rates of clinical depression among caregivers. Spoiler alert–they’re astronomical. (They’re high among caregivers and higher among … Continue reading Habits of Sane Caregivers in Dementialand
When Dementia Knocks 
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