I’m back.

I can tell it’s been a while since I’ve written. WordPress asked for my password. And of course I didn’t know it. Then I had to embark on a 10 minute process that included both my phone and laptop. You know the drill.

Anyway, I’ve been busy. People in my life have noticed that I am sometimes overwhelmed and have expressed concerned. I want to sit in front of the TV with my husband and pets to watch our Netflix show, but it hasn’t happened much lately.

Also, our dog got really sick. My spouse, Bill, had to rush him over to the Vet Med Clinic at Iowa State University. He was there for over a week. It was a rough week. He’s home now, but we are keeping a close eye on him.

We organized a dementia summit at the university. I’ve had quite a few speaking engagements–most of them requiring a short drive (an hour or two). I was the chair of a search committee for an important university position.

I had a report about my productivity as a faculty member due last Monday. I had to ask for an extension, and I turned it in on Friday. I can’t ever remember asking for an extension before….ever. Not in K-12, college, grad school. Ironically, I was being too productive as a faculty member to write a report about my productivity?

It’s just one of those times in life when everything happens at once and you manage it however you can.

A few weeks ago, something changed my perspective on being busy. A woman came to do the dementia simulation. She works nights at a local assisted living.

We were killing time while waiting for other participants to arrive. I asked about what it was like to work the night shift. She said she’s done it for several years and that she likes it. It’s apparent she loves the residents and loves her job. She can’t say enough about how lucky she is to work there.

She told me that she works nights because she provides care for grandchildren during the day. I probed for more details about her schedule.

She works 10 pm-6 am, and then takes over care for grandchildren until about 4 pm. I asked her about my favorite thing in life–sleep. She said she usually could sleep a few hours in the evening, maybe 6-9 pm or so. Although I admire this woman’s work ethic, I don’t see this as healthy.

Her supervisor was there as well. She told me how wonderful and patient this woman was to the residents. And how this woman didn’t often care for own health because she was too focused on the residents and her grandchildren.

We proceeded to do the simulation. The woman was moved when she realized what it might be like to live with dementia–and what some of the residents might be experiencing. And she cried.

Working all night to care for residents at an assisted living and caring for children all day.

Having a positive attitude and valuing her job.

Wanting to learn more about how to support residents with dementia.

Many times we talk about the low standard of care in assisted livings and nursing homes. And often we do find that employees are apathetic and make mistakes. I am not making excuses for that. There are some really bad nursing homes and terrible employees.

My father was in three different nursing homes before he died. One of the three was absolutely awful. Their lack of care contributed to the series of events that caused his death. I wanted to call the state. The place should be shut down. However, I saw the people who called this place home and didn’t know where they’d go.

(Side bar: When he was transferred to a different facility, I needed a refund because we had paid for 30 days at this place and he only stayed ten. It took me 7 months and a threat of calling my lawyer to get the money back. By the way, you don’t actually have to have a lawyer to threaten to call your lawyer.)

Yet, some of the best people I know work in facilities. They are kind, loving, and skillful. They do the best they can when the facility is understaffed. And they have things going on in their lives as well.

Thinking about this woman made me remember that the people residents depend on for care are facing other challenges. Maybe we don’t know what those challenges are, but they have personal and family crises, divorces, health issues, financial problems, all of it. And many (but not all) of them show up to work and push that aside to provide care.

There is a time to complain about staff and demand better. And there’s also a time to give people some grace.

Yes, I am busy. But I am not that busy.